Squids! I wanted to take an axe to the stand so I could bring you back the squid cartoons, but I think it would be best if I avoided criminal charges while I'm here in Asia.
So instead, in defending the honor and longevity of Squid, and squid, in the midst of fried squid stand hostility, I decided to douse the place in gasoline and lay waste to their malicious hopes and ambitions.
Remember how I was trying to explain to you the craziness of Asian photography? Well here it is. Entire stores are dedicated to these photo booths, as well as their little picture-augmenting devices of death.
Sweet hats. Even though I didn't sport any, I knew you'd love them. He's a good kid, Kaitlin, he just doesn't know who he is and HE'S SICK OF ALL THESE EXPECTATIONS!
But no seriously his mom used a translator to explain to me how she was sick of his pubescent attitude. Thankfully we're friends and I can usually get him out of it.
Magic!
Unfortunately the camera sucks (or I suck at operating a shitty camera) and I couldn't get a good photo, but just to give you a general idea of what was going on. One of many moments in my life where I truly, honestly, 100% wished I could trade anything to have you by my side even if just for a moment.
With that, I can conclude the Korean-adventure section of my blog post and move into more introspective and perceptively weighty discussion.
It is not something I consider light, or use freely, but I do indeed love you. I loved you for a long time, as I do now. I feel it's important to identify this love as something that has been uniquely constructed out of our experiences and developments together, our chaotic voids and nurturing groves.
It isn't easy for me to rightly address a subject that tends to elude my sometimes unfocused lens, but I want to attempt to depict my thoughts for you, even if it's just a glimpse of something too enigmatic for me.
There's nothing more important to me then for you to be happy. When I bond myself to someone, like I have to you, the relationship is potent enough for me to feel your pulse, to see into your eyes and live what I see. Your pain is my pain, and your love is mine as well.
But I also want us to be in love. I think something that escaped me last time, and something I'm very hesitant and embarrassed to admit, was that I was still afraid to be in love. I didn't want to open myself up again only to be let down. But views being what they're worth, I feel that there is no other avenue than for me to love you with everything I've got, even if it means the discretion is yours to lay waste to my heart.
Your thoughts?
1. Thank you for avenging Squid. You know that means a lot to both of us, or the one of us, or however you look at that. But I might ask, if you were going to burn it down anyway, you couldn't have saved squid art for me?
ReplyDelete2. For more serious matters. It is important for you to know that I have become more introspective and thoughtful about our relationship not because of its inherent value (i.e. you plus me) but because of just me. I have emotional issues that I have always done a good job of ignoring, but they still manage to rear their ugly head. As much as you were afraid to be in love, I would say I was just as afraid to be loved. The only person who has ever told me they loved me, really, is my dad. It's a scary concept to me, and something I tend to mistrust. I've never been in love before, and probably a product of my upbringing, I worry that I am doing it wrong. But this time, because I know that I do love you and want to be around you, I want to be more aware of my shortcomings and deal with them effectively. So, really, I question whether or not I can handle being in a loving, committed relationship with someone. And what I have been trying to say, is: yes. I think I can do it. And I wouldn't want to do it with anyone but you.
So yes, I agree. I think we should both face our fears and do what delights and terrifies us the most and love each other with everything we have. We've wasted enough time. It is scary, handing over something that I have tried to protect and only ask you not to destroy my heart. I won't hurt you, you won't hurt me. But I guess at this juncture it means, we both have the power to do so. I trust you not to; you can trust me.
I hope that's what you expected to hear.
I love you.